once an addict interlude

J. Cole

Right, right, right, right
Something s got a hold on me
Right, right, right, right
Sometimes I think pain is just a lack of understanding
If we could only understand it all, would we feel no pain?
God must feel no pain
Something s got a hold on me
Only joy
Does this mean even our suffering pleases him?

Lost in a cloud of marijuana
Young Carolina nigga, fish out of water
Step-daddy just had a daughter with another woman
Mama ain t recover yet
Callin me at 12 at night
She drunk as fuck and I m upset
Cause why she always using me for crutch?
Growin up I used to always see her up
Late as shit, cigarette smoke
and greatest hits from Marvin Gaye
She kill a whole bottle of some cheap chardonnay
I gotta leave this house
cause part of me dies when I see her like this
Too young to deal with pain
I d rather run the streets
than see her kill herself
So Ville became my escape from a feelin I hate
Mama cursing me out
Depression s such a villainous state
I used to stay out later on purpose
Subconsciously I was nervous that
if I came home early
then what would surface was her inner demons
And then I d have to end up
seein my hero on ground zero
Tears flow while Al Green blow
Love and happiness
I wish that I could say the right words
to cheer her up
I wish her son s love was enough
I tell her, Mama, go to sleep
She tell me Boy, hush
You better pray to God
you never get your heart crushed
I shake my head in frustration
Head to my room
and I can still hear the tunes with my door shut
Fuck it though, a couple more months I ll be gone
Off to college and dorms
Foolin myself, thinkin problems are gone
But now it s 1 Am and my mama dialin my phone
I know she intoxicated and soon this high
that I m on comes crashin down
She lit, talkin drunk shit, I m pissed
But I m still all ears like Basset Hounds
Thinkin to myself, Maybe my mama need help
Don t she got work in the morning?
Why she do this to herself?
Hate how she slurrin her words
Soundin so fuckin absurd
This ain t the woman I know
why I just sit and observe?
Why don t I say how I feel?
When I do, she s defensive for real
Well maybe things get better with time
I heard it heals
Little did I know how deep her sadness would go
Lookin back, I wish I woulda did more
instead of runnin

Something s got a hold on me
I can t let it go
Out of fear I won t be free
Something s got a hold on me
I can t let it go
Out of fear I won t be
No!
Something s got a hold on me
I can t let it go
Right
Life can bring much pain
There are many ways to deal
with this pain (right)
Choose wisely (right)