MELHORES MÚSICAS / MAIS TOCADAS CEO, entrepreneur
Born in 1964
Jeffrey
Jeffrey Bezos
Come on, Jeffrey, you can do it
Pave the way, put your back into it
Tell us why
Show us how
Look at where you came from
Look at you now
Zuckerberg and Gates and Buffet
Amateurs can fucking suck it
Fuck their wives, drink their blood
Come on, Jeff, get 'em!
[*screams*]
Put the lotion in the basket
No, they're too young
I can sit here and pretend
Like my biggest problems are
Pringle cans
And burritos
But the truth is, my biggest problem is you
I want to please you
But I want to stay true to myself
I want to give you the night out that you deserve
But I want to say what I think
And not care what you think about it
Part of me loves you
Part of me hates you
Part of me needs you
Part of me fears you
And I don't think that I can handle this right now
I don't think that I can handle this right now
I don't think that I can handle this right now
I don't think that I can handle this right now. [x2]
They don't even know the half of this right now
Look at them, they're just staring at me
Like come and watch the Skinny kid with a
Steadily declining mental health
And laugh as he attempts to give you what
he cannot give himself
I don't think that I can handle this right now. [x2]
They don't even know the half of this right now
They don't even know the half of it
But I know I'm not a doctor
I'm a pussy who puts on a silly show
So I should probably just shut up
And do my job
So here I go
I wouldn't of got the lettuce
if I knew it wouldn't fit
I wouldn't of got the cheese
if I knew it wouldn't fit
I wouldn't of got the peppers
if I knew it wouldn't fit
I wouldn't of got half
You can tell them anything if
You just make it funny
Make it rhyme
If they still don't understand you
Then you
Run it one more time
I don't think that I can handle this right now. [x2]
If you think that I can handle this right now
Then you don't even know the half of this right now
Right now
Now
Handle this right
Handle this right
Handle this right now
Hittin' the club up VIP
I got a fake mustache and a fake ID.
I look like Wooly Willy
With a really wooly willy.
And I bypass the bouncer,
Pass by an ex and I flex and bounce her, wowser.
Look at all of Bo's hoes
Looking for a ride on Bo's hose.
And I spot a little Latino, booty so big call it Oprah's ego.
We go to it, through it, she says, "Dios mio mi amigo!"
Pull it out, stick it in your mouth, and I bust in the back of ya.
Swallow bitch, there's people starving in Africa!
Single every single day
Do it every single way
Make the single ladies say
Oooh Bo
And if I were gay,
Though I swear I'm straight,
I'd make them fellas say...
You're an ice cream sundae with a cherry on top,
But careful, cherry, 'cause I'm the King of Pop.
Pop pop pop goes my weasel,
Now ya looking like Jackson Pollock's easel.
My suggestion is:
You don't blow 'til you know what congestion is,
Swallow when you know what digestion is.
Follow Bo, the only question is:
Have you been splattered before
By the mad-hatter matador?
Cake-batter never more
It don't matter whether you're
Spanish, French, Swedish or Cambodian,
I'll slime you so hard you could be on Nickelodeon.
Single every single day
Do it every single way
Make the single ladies say
Oooh Bo
And if I were gay,
Though I swear I'm straight,
I'd make them fellas say
Oooh Bo
Oh Bo-o, ooh Bo, Bo
A-a-Oooh Bo, Oooh Bo, Oooh Bo
You think that you can handle me?
Girl, don't make me laugh.
I said my junk is bipolar
It'll split you in half (yea).
And if you're lucky,
I might just bring you home,
And I'll have you going down
Like you're growin' an extra chromosome.
And when you grab me,
Don't grab me by my buns
'Cause I got a bad case of the ru-ruunnnns.
I got the runs
I got the ru-u-u-uuuns
Single every single day
Do it every single way
Make the single ladies say
Oooh Bo
And if I were gay,
Though I swear I'm straight,
I'd make them fellas say
Oooh Bo
(Spoken)
I wanna break it down for ya'll
I came from the streets, with nothin'
Now I'm makin' hit records
For my people still livin' in the streets,
Still livin' in poverty, I wanna tell you
I'm doin' this for you.
My success is your success.
And I know you may be thinkin',
Hey, if you really believe that,
Why don't you use some of your money
To help rebuild the neighborhood
Instead of putting spinning rims on a gold jet ski?
And to that I say (uh, chorus is comin' up):
Single every single day
Do it every single way
Make the single ladies say
Oooh Bo
And if I were gay,
Though I swear I'm straight
I'd make them fellas say
Ugh Ugh!
You gotta fume like a tuna,
I'll smell ya later.
I met a fat chick
And fucked her in an elevator.
It was wrong on so many levels.
It was wrong on so many le-le-le-levels.
It was wrong on so many levels (ugh).
It was wrong on, it was wrong on, it was wrong on
Single every single
Do it every single
Pop that single like a Pringle jingle
Oooh Bo
This song's almost completed
All this little ditty needed
Instrument that's double reeded:
The oboe
(Yea)
Oh, Bo
Play that oboe
[Girl]
Bo, oh my God
How are you? I haven't seen you since, like, Freshman year, oh my God!
You were so, like, skinny and weird back then, um
But now you're, um
Anyway, um, you should totally come to this party I'm having tonight with a bunch of my college friends
Um, it's gonna be off the chain-hook, it's gonna be so good
You can play some songs for us or something
Um, I've been telling everybody how good of friends we were, um, back in the day
Um, I know we never talked or hung out ever, but um
I think that's what made our friendship so special, you know
Anyway, text me! Okay, bye
[Agent]
Mister Burnham
How ya doin', good? Good
Uh, I'm a, uh, I'm an agent from out in Los Angeles
Uh, really dig your stuff man, it's out there, you know, I totally get it
Uh, and the best part about it, man, you've got all these young fans, uh, and
Which is great, because young people, they're
They're very passionate, and they're very, uh, they're very reliable consumers
But what you've gotta do to take your career to the next level?
You've gotta cater more heavily to them, alright?
We've done studies, young people do not respond to this
You know, "introspective" material, or these "challenges-to-the-form", you know
Young people want jokes they can relate to, okay?
So... Write a... Write a silly song about Facebook, you know?
Write some jokes about Twitter, or... Or sugary cereals, or... Razor scooters
Relate to them!
You know, also, you've gotta reestablish your presence on the internet, buddy
Alright, it's not important whether your material's "good" or not
What's important is that you keep the Bo Burnham brand alive and well
Ya get it? Cool
We'll discuss more later, I know it's a lot
Uhh, my number is, uh, 310-555-... Uhh, [mumbling] "imaginary number"
[Guy]
Fag!
What up, dude, what's up, how are ya man?
You've changed, bro. You've changed
I never knew you, but, um
My friend's old roommate's friend said he knew you in high school and you became a real asshole once all this "comedy" stuff started happening
What, what is it man? You think you're better than us?
You think you're better than us just cause you're tall?
Whoa, congrats man, you're tall!
Wow, it's incredible! What, you want a trophy for being tall?
You wanna... We should just give trophies to tall things
And every tree and building will have a trophy
That make sense?
Yo, why you acting all quiet and weird right now?
Yo I know why you are, it's cause you're an arrogant prick, that's why
An arrogant fuckin' prick
I once heard that you actually act quiet cause you're shy and introverted in real life
And that people shouldn't expect you to act the same way offstage as you do onstage
Yeah, yeah, it makes no sense
Anyway, you wanna buy some weed?
Bo, oh my God!
Bo, oh my God!
Bo
Bo
Bo
Bo
Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo
Bo, oh my God!
Mister Burnham
Bo, Bo (Fag!)
Bo, oh my God!
Mister Burnham
Bo, Bo (Fag!)
Bo, oh my God!
Mister Burnham
Bo, Bo (Fag!)
Bo, oh my God!
Mister Burnham
Bo, Bo (Fag!)
Bo, oh my God!
Mister (Fag!)
Mister, Mister (Fag!)
Bo, oh my God!
Mister (Fag!)
Mister, Mister (Fag!)
Bo (Fag!) , oh my God! (Fag!)
Mi-mi- (Fag!) mi-mi- (Fag!)
Mister Burnham
Bo (Fag!) , oh my God! (Fag)
Mi-mi- (Fag!) mi-mi- (Fag!)
Mi-mi- (Fag!) mi-mi- (Fag!)
Mi-mi- (Fag!) mi-mi- (Fag!)
I am Satan, Lord of Darkness!
Bo (Fag!) , oh my God! (Fag!)
Mister Burnham (Fag!)
Bo, Bo (Fag!)
Bo (Fag!) , oh my God!
Fag!
Bo (Fag!) , oh my God! (Fag!)
Mister Burnham (Fag!)
Bo, Bo (Fag!)
Bo (Fag!) , oh my God! (Fag!)
Mister Burnham (Fag!)
Bo, Bo (Fag!)
Uh, uh!
Hey!
Uh, uh!
Hey!
What the Hell?
Uh, uh!
Hey!
Uh, uh!
Hey!
You're not gonna hit the girl? That's sexist!
Fa-fa-f-f-f-f-fa-fag!
Mister, m-m-m-m-mister
Bo-Bo!
We think you've changed, bro
We know best
You suck!
We think you've changed, bro
We know best
You suck!
We think
We know
You
Mister
Mister
Mister
Mister
Bo, oh my God
Bo, oh my God
Bo, oh my God
Bo, oh my God
Bo, oh my God (fag, fag)
Bo (fag, fag) , oh my God (fag, fag)
Bo (fag, fag) , oh my God (fag, fag)
Fag (Bo! Bo!)
Fag (Bo! Bo!)
Fag (Bo! Bo!)
Mister Burnham
Are you feeling nervous? Are you having fun?
It's almost over, it's just begun
Don't overthink this, look in my eye
Don't be scared, don't be shy
Come on in, the water's fine
We're going to go where everybody knows
Everybody knows, everybody, ooh
We're going to go where everybody knows
Everybody knows
Get your fucking hands up
Get on out of your seat
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
Ey, come on, get your fucking hands up
Get on out of your seat
All eyes on me, all eyes on me, yeah
Heads down, pray for me
Heads down, now, pray for me
Get your fucking hands up
Get on out of your seat
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
You wanna hear a funny story? So, uh
Five years ago, I quit performing live comedy, because I was beginning to have severe panic attacks while on stage
which is not a good place to have them. So I quit
And I didn't perform for five years
and I spent that time trying to improve myself mentally
And you know what? I did! I got better!
I got so much better, in fact, that in January of 2020
I thought, "You know what?
I should start performing again
I've been hiding from the world
and I need to re-enter. "
And then, the funniest thing happened
Are you feeling nervous? Are you having fun?
It's almost over, it's just begun
Don't overthink this, look in my eye
Don't be scared, don't be shy
Come on in, the water's fine
You say the ocean's rising?like I give a shit
You say the whole world's ending?honey, it already did
You're not gonna slow it, Heaven knows you tried
Got it? Good, now get inside
We're going to go where everybody knows
Everybody knows, everybody knows
We're going to go where everybody knows
Everybody knows
Get your fucking hands up
Get on out of your seat
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
Come on get your fucking hands up
Get on out of your seats
All eyes on me, all eyes on me, yeah
Hands down, pray for me
Heads down now, pray for me
I said, get your fucking hands up
Get up! Get up!
I'm talking to you?get the fuck up!
Get your fucking hands up
Get on out of your seat
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
Hey, c'mon, get your fucking hands up
Get on out of your seat
All eyes on me, all eyes on me, yeah
Come on, heads down, pray for me
Heads down now, pray for me
I said, get your fucking hands up
Get... [*laughs*]
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
Welcome to the internet
Come and take a seat
Would you like to see the news
Or any famous women's feet
There's no need to panic
This isn't a test [*laughs*]
Just nod or shake your head and we'll do the rest
Welcome to the internet
What would you prefer
Would you like to fight for civil rights
Or tweet a racial slur
Be happy
Be horny
Be bursting with rage
We got a million different ways to engage
Welcome to the internet
Put your cares aside
Here's a tip for straining pasta
Here's a nine-year-old who died
We got movies, and doctors, and fantasy sports
And a bunch of colored pencil drawings
of all the different characters in harry potter
Fucking each other! welcome to the internet!
Hold on to your socks
'cause a random guy
Just kindly sent you photos of his cock
They are grainy and off-putting
He just sent you more
Don't act surprised
You know you like it, you whore
See a man beheaded
Get offended, see a shrink
Show us pictures of your children
Tell us every thought you think
Start a rumor, buy a broom
Or send a death threat to a boomer
Or dm a girl and groom her
Do a zoom or find a tumor
And here's a healthy breakfast option
You should kill your mom
Here's why women never fuck you
Here's how you can build a bomb
Which power ranger are you?
Take this quirky quiz
Obama sent the immigrants
To vaccinate your kids
Could I interest you in everything
All of the time?
A little bit of everything
All of the time
Apathy's a tragedy
And boredom is a crime
Anything and everything
All of the time
Could I interest you in everything
All of the time?
A little bit of everything
All of the time
Apathy's a tragedy
And boredom is a crime
Anything and everything
All of the time
You know, it wasn't always like this
Not very long ago
Just before your time
Right before the towers fell
Circa '99
This was catalogues
Travel blogs
A chat room or two
We set our sights and spent our nights
Waiting
For you
You
Insatiable you
Mommy let you use her ipad
You were barely two
And it did all the things
We designed it to do
Now look at you
Oh
Look at you
You, you
Unstoppable, watchable
Your time is now
Your inside's out
Honey, how you grew
And if we stick together
Who knows what we'll do
It was always the plan
To put the world in your hand
[*laughing hysterically*]
Could I interest you in everything
All of the time
A bit of everything
All of the time
Apathy's a tragedy
And boredom is a crime
Anything and everything
All of the time
Could I interest you in everything
All of the time
A little bit of everything
All of the time
Apathy's a tragedy
And boredom is a crime
Anything and everything
And anything and everything
And anything and everything
And all of the time
The world that's around us
Is pretty amazing
But how does it work?
It must be complicated
The secret is the world can only work
When everything works together
A bee drinks from a flower
And leaves with its pollen
A squirrel in a tree
Spreads the seeds that have fallen
Everything works together
The biggest elephant, the littlest fly
The gophers underground, the birds in the sky
And every single cricket, every fish in the sea
Gives what they can and gets what they need
That is how the world works
That is how the world works
From A to Zebra
To the worms in the dirt
That's how it works
Hey everyone
Look who stopped by to say hello
It's Socko
Hey!
Where you been, Socko?
I've been where I always am when you're not wearing me on your hand
In a frightening, liminal space between states of being
Not quite dead, not quite alive
It's similar to a constant state of sleep paralysis
Socko, we were just talking about the world and how it works
Boy, that sounds complicated!
Do you have anything you'd want to teach us about the world?
I wouldn't say anything that you probably haven't already said yourself
I don't know about that, Socko
How about you give it a try?
Alright!
The simple narrative taught in every history class
Is demonstrably false and pedagogically classist
Don't you know the world is built with blood?
And genocide and exploitation
The global network of capital essentially functions
To separate the worker from the means of production
And the FBI killed Martin Luther King
Private property's inherently theft
And neoliberal fascists are destroying the left
And every politician, every cop on the street
Protects the interests of the pedophilic corporate elite
That is how the world works
Really?
That is how the world works
(that is how the world works)
Genocide, the Natives say you got to it first
That's how (that's how) it works
That's pretty intense
No shit
What can I do to help?
Read a book or something, I don't know
Just don't burden me
with the responsibility of educating you
It's incredibly exhausting
I'm sorry, Socko
I was just trying to become a better person
Why do you rich fucking white people
insist on seeing every socio-political conflict
through the myopic lens of your own self-actualization?
This isn't about you
So either get with it, or get out of the fucking way
Watch your mouth, buddy
Remember who's on whose hand here
But that's what I
Have you not been fucking listening?
We are entrenched in
Alright, alright
Wait, no please!
I don't wanna go back, please
I can't go, I can't go back
Please, please, I'm sorry
Are you gonna behave yourself?
Yes
Yes, what?
Yes, sir
Look at me
Yes, sir
That's better
That is how the world works
That is how the world works
I hope you learned your lesson
I did and it hurt
That's how it works
No!
I am in bed I am ready to go with you
Tonight I'm thinking of taking it slow
We'll use emojis only
We don't need phonetical diction
We'll talk dirty like we're ancient Egyptians
You send me a peach
I send a carrot back
You send a Ferris wheel
That's pretty abstract
I send back a ticket stub
Implying that the Ferris wheel's your body
And I'd really love admission to it
Oh no!
What if now you think
that I'm implying your vagina is as big as a Ferris wheel?
You send back a snowman
Crisis averted
(Thank god)
Sexting (Whoa)
It isn't sex it's the next best thing (Next best thing)
Sexting
Aye, aye
AT&T
No more emojis, now it's on to words
I ask what you're wearing. You reply, "A shirt"
You say, "Are you naked? "
I say, "Yeah, except for a top hat"
You say, "lmao" but I doubt that
I'm getting hot at just the thought of what I'd do to you
Cause in my head I'm in your bed and getting through to you
They made the internet for nights like these
I love you, baby
Send a picture of your tits, please
Sexting (Whoa)
It isn't sex is the next best thing (Next best thing)
Sexting
Aye, aye (We are Sexting)
AT&T
You send the pic and say it's now my turn
Jesus fucking Christ I guess I never learn
My phone's flash is my only light and
The flash makes my dick look frightened
I chicken out and send a picture of my face instead
Because my dick looks like the baby from eraserhead
You say, "I sent my titties that's not fair"
So I send it to you and then my phone dies
Another night on my own, yeah
Stuck in my home, yeah
Sitting alone
One hand on my dick and one hand on my phone, yeah
Another night on my own, yeah
Stuck in my home, yeah
Sitting alone
One hand on my dick and one hand on my phone, yeah
Another night on my own, yeah
Stuck in my home, yeah
Sitting alone
One hand on my dick and one hand on my phone, yeah (Pussy)
Another night on my own, yeah (Titties)
Stuck in my home, yeah (Balls)
Sitting alone
One hand on my dick and one hand on my phone, yeah
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